I write to my mother daily, to tell her one thing I'm thankful for.
Firstly, let me extend my gratitude to you, mother, for suggesting this idea and always sending me a message in response. In a way, I feel like it hasn’t only just made me seek out specific things for which I am grateful, but it also brought us closer together. I think this was a great idea, and I very much want to continue onto the future. Below, I have collected each of my thankful points, from 12th/December/2016, to the 24th/December/2016, to reflect and extended each of them, perhaps gaining more value from the act of being thankful.
Thank you madre, I love you.
12/December: Avocados
Original message; “Today I’m thankful for Avocados. I’m thankful not only for their nutrition, but the memories I attach to growing up in the fields across the canyon. It’s a beautiful thought."
I’m quite thankful for where I grew up, and the environment in which I was raised. I reflect on some of my early memories, running around down in the back yard, past the canyon. Through the (what seemed like) thousands of trees, and millions of very stomp-able leaves, to open areas where we could look down across the San Pasqual valley, I feel fortunate to grow up where I did. In my daily life, I can’t help but associate the simple avocado with that time, and those memories. It’s something that makes me smile internally as the thought comes by, and I recognize it. Sometimes I wonder, and hope, you do the same of tomatoes, and your childhood.
13/December: Computer
Original message; “Today, I’m thankful for my computer. It’s been able to make my life so much easier, I’ve been on it all day!”
I wrote this message on a day where all I did, for maybe 10 hours, was work on the computer. We had a big proposal deadline approaching, and as such, my professor dumped it all on me. I had to make complex budget tables, balancing huge numbers of components, each with price tags that would make even Sandy and Bart’s eyes widen. I compiled every part I’d need to build the proposed system, and distributed the allocated funds across three years, to appropriately spread it in accordance with the developmental timeline for adequate completion of the proposal. The first year, we are buying a laser; it costs $213,000. I think that’s a bit, crazy. I had to write thousands of words regarding the scientific merit and value of what we are proposing - I did it all, on this here device. The thankfulness I have for my computer came from that process. The writing, the tuning of the numbers, the calculation of how much tax would be collected, it was all so easy with my laptop. It seemed the obvious thing to be thankful for, for that day.
14/December: Ears
Original message; “Today I’m thankful for my ears. They let me hear many beautiful things, like my favorite songs, the sound of people I care about laughing. It’s somehow the most direct connection to the world, for me. Sight is really important too, but I think there is a real feeling and emotion in sound that I really enjoy and am thankful for."
On this day, I had decided to bring my nice headphones from home, to the university. They spent most of their time previously at my office at home, which I seem to hardly use these days. Seeing as I was working pretty heavily on my computer at the time, I wanted some sweet tunes to enjoy. I pulled up soundcloud on my computer, and searched for “XXYYXX” an obscure, too-cool-for-you music producer from LA. His music is underground, hard to find, hipster as hell, and totally excellent. I played his remix of one of my favorite songs “Snow in Newark” by Ryan Hemsworth, and immediately after hearing 1:47, was very thankful for my ears. There’s a lot of emotion in music, and the emotional connection I have to that song somehow was amplified by XXYYXX’s swelling, almost cinematic production. The more I thought about it, the more I started thinking about my favorite sounds. People. Music. The Environment. Sound is powerful, and really subtle. A lot less direct than sight, but somehow more connective for me.
15/December: Coffee
Original message; “Today I’m thankful for coffee. The taste is really enjoyable to me, and honestly, I don’t know how I’d have gotten my work done today otherwise!”
Today I got a new bag of coffee beans from Stumptown Coffee Roasters in the Art District, in Downtown LA. It was the last bag of their seasonal coffee “Slay Ride.” These days, I’ve been buying good coffee from local roasters, and brewing it myself in the lab. It knocks the socks off the garbage the school supplies, it’s cheeper, and I just in general like supporting the local coffee community. We were still working on the proposal, and I remember meeting with something like10 administrative people that day, running around like I was on fire. I think I probably would have fallen asleep in something important, if not for the Slay Ride.
16/December: Mind
Original message; “Today I’m thankful for my mind. It’s a curious thing, but I feel very fortunate to be able to hold a conversation with others, think abstractly, and work on that which I love. I have a lot of thoughts which I know are strange, or unique, or weird, but those idiosyncrasies make me, me. And I’m thankful for that."
This was following a conversation with Sonya. I was feeling really glad to have my mind, for all of its weirdness. I remember her saying something to the effect “I thought I knew you, but I don't know you at all. I like it” Those are sentences I really liked, and I think it speaks to the power of being yourself, and the value held in your own mind.
17/December: Today
Original message; “Today I am thankful, for today. It’s remarkably gorgeous and I’ve had moments through the day of stopping and genuinely being thankful for who I am and what I’ve done so far with my life. There is a lot I want to do, and a lot I have yet to learn- but so far I am thankful.”
There were a few days in LA, around the time this message was sent, where everything was quite dreary and drizzly. It wasn’t until the 17th, that the air was crisp, but the clear sky allowed the sun's warming energy through, resulting in an absolutely beautiful day. I recall riding to school, and often thinking “Wow, today is so perfect, I am so thankful for today.” I also thought things like “how amazing is it, that I’m able to live here, and do what I do.” I think that gorgeous weather brought a lot of positivity into my day, and helped me be thankful for where I am, and what I am working on.
18/December: You
Original message; “Today I am thankful for you. Your honesty and love have guided me really well, and even if you don’t always know it, you’re helping me.”
This was around two months after I ended things with her. Sometimes, in moments of questioning my decisions, I found myself reverting to my original thoughts, and trying to recall my rationale. It usually included our conversations on my bed, where you brought up things which I think I largely sub-consciously pushed away. Those things brought a lot of importance to the areas I think I learned to ignore. The more I was thinking in that frame, the more I was able to holdfast and assure myself that my decisions are correct, and for the best. My thankfulness rested in your ability to influence me, from hundreds of miles away, silently, through your love for me. That’s something worth being exceptionally thankful for.
19/December: Bicycle(s)
Original message; “Today I am thankful for my bicycle(s). I love the flexibility and efficiency they provide, I love the health effects they have, and I enjoy the element of exploration associated with riding a bike. I love getting to ride my bike to work every day, even though it was 46 degrees this morning.”
Riding bikes is meditation made practical for me. I love it, even when it’s less than perfect outside. Riding gives me a time during the day to leave all my thoughts aside, and be present. Everything in riding is right now, and if it isn’t “right now” it’s nothing. There’s something very enjoyable about having two defined times during the day, where for thirty minutes, I can be happily nonexistent. For that, I am thankful.
20/December: Work
Original message; “Today I’m thankful for my work. It’s a lot, and I know how challenging it is, but it leaves me feeling fulfilled and happy. When I’m not working, I crave it. I can see myself develop in my understanding of optical microscopy and physics. It’s something that I know I’ll never satiate, and that self-awareness drives me. I really enjoy that.”
I think self-worth defines happiness. I think if you feel non-contributing and useless, it would be very hard to have any long-standing happiness in your life. My work provides me with a ton of self-worth, to the point where even during a single day off, I start questioning my value in life. Of course, those thoughts are usually followed by “Well, you sort of, have to rest in order to be more effective at your work.” I think that balance is critical- but regardless, I am thankful for my work, despite it’s immense difficulty, because of the sense of self-worth and consequent happiness it provides me.
21/December: Level-Headedness
Original message; “Today I’m thankful for the ability to be level-headed. I had a massively stressful/important day today, at a number of points, I wanted to tell the loud mouth noncontributing people around me, which know nothing about the optomechanical complexity of the system, to shut the fuck up and leave. It was akin to someone telling you what is wrong with your car, without knowing what a car even is.
“I think the sample is too far from the camera, the image looks bad!”
10 minutes later …
“Where is the camera?”
Without the ability to remain calm and focused, I think I wouldn’t have been able to make a stressful situation into one that went very well. Today I’m glad I’m able to (mostly) deal with such stressors. There’s room for growth, but for now, I’m happy with where I am.”
Work is stressful, but I rarely feel the way I described. Only very occasionally, I have moments where I must exercise my level-headedness, and it isn’t until those situations appear that I have the opportunity to appreciate it. Part of being able to deal with stress, is prioritizing your stressors. In these sorts of situations, I feel like I am able to effectively scale and normalize the components of the stress, and focus on dealing with those first.
22/December: Self-Respect
Original message; “It was another stressful day today. As such, I’m thankful for my self-respect. I’m working on standing up for myself, because I deserve that. I earned that. Slowly, I’m becoming more confident in what I have to say, and I think that’s all based on self-respect."
On this day, I spoke up for myself. In light of much of the work I had put into the system mentioned the day before, I didn’t agree with the manor with which my professor was approaching the situation. Normally, I’d quietly accept what he would say, then maybe talk with him after, personally, to voice my own concerns. Today, I addressed them in front of everyone there, in a way to show my differential in thought and scientific process, between him and I. For too long, I would go with his view and by association, be tied to them. On this day, I was thankful for my self respect, which I believe gave me the confidence to stand alongside my views, and work to have my voice heard, not only in private but in public too.
23/December: Eyes
Original message; “Today I’m thankful for my eyes.”
A new prescription of glass really changes what feels “normal” with respect to sight. The difference of 0.25 on the prescription is enough to make you feel like a superhero for the day. That degree of abnormality, that stark differential, brings the value of sight into the front of your mind. Being someone that works with optics, I place a massive value on the capability to see things. Once I walked out of Costco and looked to the far end of the parking lot, I became exceptionally thankful for the ability of modern optometry. Additionally, I though of own eyes’ ability to detect, and coordinate with the brain over massive distances, and interpret my surroundings. It’s a phenomenon too difficult and complex to understand, I was only able to stand in awe, recognize what’s at work, and be thankful for that.
24/December: Ben
Original message; “Today I’m thankful for Ben. His path, and the happiness he holds at his work are inspiring to me, and I am very thankful.
Ben has always enjoyed the outdoors. I remember him happiest during our hikes, and riding around on the old blue Nishiki bikes around the property near Grandma and Grandpa’s house; before they constructed the High School there. Often, I remember him pointing out doves and hawks in the distance - we even spotted coyotes once or twice. He seemed to have a connection with nature, a sort of mutual agreement with it, that enabled him to integrate himself with it, as opposed to simply pass through. Seeing him at his work, in his element, acting respectfully and effectively, really brought me a lot of happiness. It almost feels like when something is being used exactly for which it was designed. A lot of times, one can get away with using a wrench on a nut which is one size too small, but the feeling isn’t the same as when it slots in perfectly. When I see Ben at work, it’s like he was made for it. That feeling instills a lot of happiness in me, as his brother, and is worth taking time to reflect and be thankful for.
I love you Mom, and I’m thankful you came up with this idea. I look forward to continuing it with you, into the future.
Yours Always, Blake